In The Beginning...Part 1.

My masculinity, for as long as I can remember has been an area of much concern for me. Ever since I was young, seeing other men around me, I can remember thinking "Wow, i'll never me as manly as that guy".

For me being a 'real' man meant:

• Having facial hair
• Being exceptionally strong
• Having a muscular body
• Drinking Lager
• Driving a car
• Looking intimidating
  

All throughout my youth I feel that I have not, and even will not, fulfill these criteria. So if I cannot find my masculinity in what I would see as typical masculine traits, then am I not a masculine man?

I suppose it is my background that has had a vast influence on my perception of typical masculinity. Growing up in a working class, Rough area like Merthyr Tydfil skews your view of how people should and should not behave. For me Merthyr Tydfil is the type of place where being intimidating, driving a fast, loud car, consuming ridiculous amounts of alcohol and having a manual labour job are all elements that make you a respected (and often feared) figure of a man. This, I know is a narrow-minded view that seems to paint everyone of Merthyr Tydfil with the same brush, but from my personal experience of growing up there and living there for 20+ years, this is a very accurate description of the male population, no malice intended.
These influences have had a profound effect on my art practice. Since starting my BA (hons) degree in Fine Art there has been similar themes running throughout my performance work. There has always been some sort of aggression and the need to assert my presence within the space.

My first ever experince with performance is a prime example, where within a confined space I stood silently wearing a gas mask and overalls, waiting for the space to fill with on lookers. As the space began to fill I removed a small smoke grenade from one of my pockets and ignited it. Filling the confined area with pungent smoke while i stood there calmly amongst the gases.







Using this to assert my presence and masculinity was something that was unintended by my initial concepts. My work continued in various shapes and forms but all seemed to contain similar elements to each other; the use of tools/hardware, aggressive behaviour and assertion of my presence.

In a second year venue specific show, I concluded a series of performances that I had called 'Shut up Pig!'. In which i had a frozen pig's head on a table accompanied by an amplified wood saw. These performances took me through the area of shock and crass, aggressive imagery that, at the time, I thought the work was about. But in hind sight the work still contained the elements that have been the foundation to my work for the past 3 years.